Friday, April 15, 2011

Not sure how much more I can take :(

Im really trying hard to be all positive and cheery and get enough sleep and eat the right foods and be active and I really think the Universe is trying to tell me something as lately I cannot seem to shake the feeling of doom :(
Running is going ok when I get out which is not enough.  Other activities are fine when there is time.
Work is winding down which will be a much needed break; there is still some time and marking and preparing for next year to get through but time has cleared a lot and it's breathable.
Now if the family would just get healthy....
Serious illnesses. Death. I suppose this is what happens as we age; Im fine with aging, I do not so much miss the youth and all that; but a side effect of getting older is my family is aging as well. I miss my kids when they were little and my parents and grandparents when they were not scaring the crap out of me. Those older folks are giving me grey hair.  My grandfather's bout with dementia and move into a seniors home last year was a wake up call that will not turn off.  My grandmother was left living alone and family worried much about her.
My Grandfatherinlaw is going through something similar.  And has been for awhile. He is now in hospital while his wife is alone at home.  He was actually in the same ward as my Fatherinlaw for a day; FIL is also having concerns of his own with a sick heart that is worrying us all with spells of good and bad and now an extending hospital stay. 
My other grandfather was misdiagnosed and finally diagnosed with lung cancer that seems pretty advanced.  Doing tests but these things go slowly and at his age I am not sure what treatment options are realistic anyway :(
So with all of these worries I was completely blindsided by the sudden and unexpected death of my grandmother 2 days ago :( She was not actually ill.  She simply died suddenly (and alone; quickly I hope) in her home in the middle of her breakfast.  For all that we are shocked and sad about it, Im relieved she will not suffer and we will not have to watch.  This is the way I want to go; here one moment, not here the next. 
I think my family has had enough.

Running? Went on Wednesday afternoon in the rain; did intervals on the trail and it was nice (not fast but nice).  I havent done intervals in forever and then I go and bust out 8 X 400 m intervals at a 5 K pace.  mile warm up, couple km cool down.  50 minutes for 8 km total.  much enjoyed but its the last time Ive had time for running. And getting up early for P90X or doing it in the evening has been hampered by company and late nights.  I just need to get through this time; I have no races coming up any time soon. SIGH.

I hope the Universe is listening. I NEED A BREAK.


Gaspegirl said...

When it rains, it pours my friend! Keep positive and heal right now. Find your calm in your workout when you get it in. (((hugs))) to you and your family.

Faith Ann said...

I'm so sorry to read of your loss.

It is so tough/discouraging when you have stretches of time where get more and more bad news.

I have a hard time getting my workouts in when I'm stressed. I know deep-down that exercise is supposed to help, but stress makes me want to hibernate on my sofa with a comfy blanket.

2012 km Goal